Let’s Hire the O!
Bill Doba is gone from Wazzu after a 5-7 season. I’m a little surprised, considering how close Wazzu came to beating ASU and Cal, along with their throttling of UCLA, but this has been speculated for months. All reports indicate that Mike Price and Cal’s defensive coordinator Bob Gregory will be fighting for the job, and I’m inclined to believe that Wazzu, hungry for Pac-10 relevance, will go back to “The Price is Right…for a well-aged Southern escort”.
Let’s say Wazzu does happen to choose Gregory, citing character interests and lack of stripper poles. Then Cal will be in need of a defensive coordinator. I’m sure someone will come up with a cogent analysis of who exactly the Bears should hire. But I’m not interested in that. I want someone who will teach the defense to punch, to hit, to make the enemy beg for mercy. I want someone who will liven up that moribund locker room and brink spunk back to our vanilla D.
Yes my friends…I am referring to the one, the only…Ed Orgeron. YESSAH,IBEREFERRINTOTHEAWESOMESTHEADCOACHINALLDEELAND.
He happens to solve three problems at once for the imminent future of Cal football.
D-line. Before his impressive meltdowns at Ole Miss (an awesome 10-25), people forget Orgeron was the catalyst behind resurrecting a moribund USC defensive line. Either that or he just sent them to In-N-Out to gobble down 5x5s on a meal-by-meal basis. Now USC’s D always rates among the best in the country.
Just think of what the O could do with our defensive woes, especially amongst the depleted front four: “IAHTEACHDEMHOWTATACKLE! THEYNEVANOWHATHITEM! PETEAHDOWNINDASOCALWILLBERUNNINUNDAEMFIINESONGGAL! MELOVESMESOMEFINESONGGAL!”
Plus the guy loves to recruit, and Lord knows we’ve needed defensive stealth for so long. His recruiting capabilities have never been questioned–just his coaching madness, as evidenced by their meltdown last week in the Egg Bowl. But he won’t have to playcall anymore.
He will make Jeff Tedford smile.
I don’t think Coach has smiled since he kissed DeSean’s forehead after Tennessee. He seems way too wound up and burnt out from forty hour film sessions. He needs a pal to loosen him up. Mr. O seems just like that type of guy who can loosen him up.
If you’ve read Meat Market (where he is the focus), you’ll know the man hates to wait on his meals. Can you imagine what he’ll do once he gets stuck at Peet’s for three hours? “WHERESMYCOFFEE? WANTSOMEOFDACOFFEE! WHYSTHATFELLASLEEPINONTHESTREET? YOUMAKEHIMWAITFOHISCAFFENIATION? FUCKDIS, GITMEAREDBULL.”
He’ll crack a few smiles. Hell, when Coach calls up his answering machine, he might even laugh.
Lord knows what will happen when he pulls his pimped out ride in front of Memorial to the speechless treetards. I’m generally environmentally friendly, but I have to admit I’m giddy at the thought of that.
Come on Sandy, look behind the record. Hire Ed Orgeron as DC. We’ve been missing a firebrand in the locker room with Marshawn gone.
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