Mike Stoops: Double Agent of the Big 12?
(This article probably became moot once Oklahoma fell prey to a heavy dose of Lubbock Leaching Saturday night, but hey, Mike held up his end of the bargain.)
There are some who say Oregon’s loss in the desert is karmic justic (cough cough Oklahoma fans). I go the other way on this one: You should be thanking that guy on the sidelines.
Let’s face it. No one thinks this modicum of dignity is really here to compete for a Pac-10 crown. No, Mike Stoops’s job is to ensure that his honest, diligent, class act of a brother Bob doesn’t have to worry about a Pac-10 power taking away a BCS safety bid from Oklahoma. He eliminates one team off the bat (his own) with poor recruiting and no power running (always good for seasonal 1-4 starts), but saves enough moxie and fueling testosterone for that long-lasting November upset that makes sure Oklahoma is in great shape.
Let’s break down this hairbrained theory more closely.
2004: Oklahoma rolls to 12-0 and the national title game; big brother Stoops doesn’t need that much help. Mike nevertheless goes 2-1 in November after a glorious 1-7 start, including snatching away the Territorial Cup from a decent Arizona State squad. Not really a good indicator year, considering how Jason White ran over the conference.
2005: Oklahoma loses an early game to UCLA. In order for his brother to avoid rematch with UCLA in the Holiday Bowl (because a one-loss Bruin team who would eventually get trampled by USC would have been consigned to Sun Bowl exile), Mike Stoops’s 2-6 Wildcats go into the Rose Bowl and trounce a BCS-bound UCLA team 52-14, sending them to El Paso. This could also be considered the moment when Bruins Nation turned on Karl Dorrell. Bob Stoops is saved an ignominious rematch and knocks out (guess who) Brady Leaf and Oregon, 21-14 in San Diego.
2006: For the third year in a row, Oklahoma put themselves in the BCS hole by losing to Texas and getting jobbed in Oregon. Of course, 3-5 Mike Stoops could not let this stand. Quickly he disposed of the two possible BCS at-large bids from the Pac-10 (Wazzu and Cal), and then routed Oregon at Autzen. Luckily, a late Texas collapse propelled Oklahoma to the Big 12 title, and Mike Stoops took the pedal off the wheel to avoid respectability, getting knocked around by Arizona.
2007: Oklahoma stumbles against Colorado, knocking them out of the title race for all of two weeks. 2-6 Arizona quickly makes their move, knocking off UCLA from the Pac-10 leadership and then rambling all over Oregon in the sloppiest upset ever to keep their faint bowl hopes alive. Of course, Oklahoma shits the bed against Texas Tech, almost certainly knocking them out of a BCS title game. So with Oklahoma now in control of their own fate (win out and they’re in a BCS bowl, lose one more and they can book tickets for Dallas, Jacksonville or San Diego), Arizona will likely take the gears off and get smashed in the Territorial Cup again.
Yeah, does that seem like a coincidence? Now you must be thinking, correlation does not imply causation. However, college football is not a place where logic is considered. How else would this dunderhead be capable of manipulating space and time?
Mike Stoops, fucking over his team, and then fucking over the Pac-10. See you next year, you conniving bastard.
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