And Now You May Cringe

Posted by: Avinash on Wednesday, March 12th, 2008

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This treesitting farce and the comical way the UCPD has decided to combat this particular incidents (allowing hippies to intrude onto campus ground again and bang up their bongos to disturb the classrooms) makes me requestion our tactics in the war on terror. You know, waterboarding people with frayed ponytails and tye-dye shirts. I’m thinking the cutoff age for the program should be around 75.

In any case, we’ve gone long past the point of the University not embarrassing itself with this tree nonsense. The wasteful erection of fences and the staging of security personnel has been more than enough. Now we have bongos drumming and screaming activists yelling throughout. Pathetic.

It makes strategic sense to remove them immediately. Hippies are the laziest people on Earth–Lindsey Bluthe has nothing on them. Remove them by force and they’ll be too petrified to return. Leave them up there and they feel validated in their struggle. They’re passive-aggressive; knock them out and they’ll disappear. Additionally you can take the focus off the circus and place it solely on the infrastructure argument. Re-frame the situation by eliminating the sideshow and you’ll make it easier to win.

And finally, I’ll channel my inner Obama–do we want the Berkeley of the past, or the Berkeley of the future? A Cal that promotes or allows loser activism to promulgate on its campus, or a Cal that promotes a tradition of winning and scholarship that shows the brightest to succeed on it? We can make the change to the future, and we need to do it today. YES WE CAN!

Please suggest how you’d deal with the treesitters. Hoses? Horse tranquilizers? Tear gas?

Topics: Berkeley, Hippies

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