USC And The Nine Dwarves

Posted by: Avinash on Wednesday, September 24th, 2008


Dramatis Personae

Pete Carroll: The fairest in all the land. The most beautiful of all. Few can resist his inherent sweetness and ability to do good. Except the vain, black-hearted, wicked Les Miles.

Jeff Tedford and Mike Riley: Not quite fair, but beloved in their own respective wildernesses. Would break the hearts of their fanbases if they ever left.

Dennis Erickson: The grandfather of the dwarves. Has occasional moments of pondering and reflecting, but is really past his prime. You could argue his best days are probably behind him, the way he stutters and goes about mumbling to refs.

Mike Bellotti: Can get dour, but then realizes at the end of the day he can just retreat into his theme park, and his face just brightens up.

Rick Neuheisel: “Gosh, thanks for the flattery. Really, thanks. Aw, you’re too kind guys. We’ll get it together. Hang in there. Stop guys, it’s too much” *blushing, turning away from the computer after reading the nice people at Bruins Nation*

Mike Stoops: “Growl. Hmph. Growl. GRRRR. THROW BALL. THROW DAMN BALL! ARRRRR….LOSS. Grrrr.”

Ty Willingham: His team’s allergic to winning right now.

Jim Harbaugh: “Me a head coach? Woopie! Wow, did we just beat USC? Woopie! Did I get myself an Axe? Woopie! I’ve won six of sixteen games? Woopie!”

Paul Wulff: Sleptwalk from around 15 minutes into the Cal-Wazzu game. Woke up only to make a quarterback change. Sleptwalk his way through Baylor after flying in to play the game the same day. Woke up only to make a quarterback change. Rinse, repeat.

Will There be Surprises? One Will Have to Watch The Sidelines.

Now Playing, This Fall at a Left Coast stadium near you.

This film is not produced by Tom Hansen, who was busy playing shuffleboard as he prepares for most glorious retirement.

“I have something you treasure, Petie.”

Topics: Coaches, humor, Pac-10

Related Articles
    None Found

Comments are closed.