The Horror: The Lefties Are Learning Satire
Bees again have begun to assert their dominance over the human proletariat. And by dominance, they mean showing just how angry they are about global warming. Over at Indybay, they are beginning to speak out and show just how serious they are. They’re not going to take this environmental destruction any longer!
Calling for an end to “mean ag” and car culture, and seeking that the human species join a growing planetary alliance for the protection of mother earth, bees swarmed an SUV parked in front of Boalt Hall in hopes of securing legal and policy help for their cause.
The bees, singing love songs for planetary harmony, announced a new era: “No More Mrs. Nice Bee.”
Bees are refusing to pollinate crops until their demands are met. The recent disappearance of bees, they sang, is in protest of increasingly harsh conditions imposed upon them by corporate agriculture, and a growing concern that a wave of mass extinction will only accelerate in the near future without an immediate and drastic change in course. The bees put the blame squarely on the heads of humans, who they say have exhibited astoundingly poor planetary citizenship for over 2,000 years.
“We got the idea from the Rand corporation report on swarming, which focused on Critical Mass bicycle rides as a military tactic,” said a cluster of buzzybooz. “We felt that if bicyclists are willing to brave offering an alternative in the face of, that we certainly can.” The bee troop noted that groups of bicyclists are gathering to protest in opposition to the G8 this coming Friday in towns around the world.
“Immobilizing this SUV may seem insignificant,” they admitted, “but it is a small taste of what is to come,” referring to the overall bee strategy for compliance from Homo sapiens.
“Next we will target gas station pumps and even refineries and oil tankers,” stated a spokesbee. The bees hope to leverage their potential impact by targeting particularly sensitive weak links in the petroleum-dependent “System of Destruction.”
We’re still trying to figure out how exactly these brilliant jackasses we know as Critical Mass helped organize all of this. Or maybe the bees are really taking over. The hipster hippies have finally found a way to terrify us.
Bees v. SUVs (videos and pictures) [IndyBay]
Novel Anticar Strategy: Bees v. SUVs [East Bay Express]
Bees v. SUVs [YouTube]
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