Adjust Your Tassels, Part VIII (Graduation Ceremonies, May 20th)
Business (Undergraduate) in Greek Theatre at 9 AM. No speaker would dare enter, lest to get your hopes up for the life of drudgery you are about to lead.
Legal Studies in Zellerbach Auditorium at 9 AM. Robert Kagan, who you can thank for his role in starting the war in Iraq (just kidding, different people), will talk.
College of Natural Resources and Environmental Sciences in Chancellor’s Esplanade at 9:30 AM. Dr. Florence Muringi Wambugu gets her chance to tell you about helping the poor and the needy, and it won’t be just through recycling.
Naval Science at Lipman Room in Barrows Hall, 2 PM. There will be no speech, as all graduates will deploy immediately to the Middle East as a reward for their success.
Business (Graduate School/MBA) in Greek Theatre at 2 PM. Marc Benioff, CEO of salesforce.com, will be giving free copies of his yoga tapes.
Social Welfare (Undergraduate) in Zellerbach Auditorium at 2 PM. It’d be awesome if they just built a house for a needy family during the ceremony.
Computer Science in Zellerbach Auditorium at 7 PM. Mendel Rosenblum and Umesh Vazirani will be cracking jokes in Python.
(Image from The Great North Road)
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