Wanted: Will Kick For Food
This Craiglist jobs ad was removed for undisclosed reasons from the sfbay area site. Although no one has been able to ascertain the identity of the poster and Craig Newmark has refused our phone calls, we have received exclusive copy of this Can you figure it out?
A football team in the Bay Area desires your services immediately. Need a college scholarship? Are dirt poor and/or a soccer bum? Harbor resentment toward your absent father and have channelled that energy into kicking people in the face an ancient martial arts discipline? We’ll be happy to fund you full-ride. You don’t even have to attend classes, you just need to be able to bend your leg up straight and through.
Function: Must be able to kick. Bonus if you can do it in a straight line. For example, if you were to attempt to kick the ball on a 160 foot wide football field, your attempts would not put Cal fans in the stands in physical danger. The trajectory should not be enough to take anyone’s head off.
This matter is urgent, so the moment you reply and show some evidence of good form via picture, YouTube or 200 word essay, we’ll send a free taxi to your house. We’ll drive you straight to the stadium, provide you with a uniform. For every field goal you nail you get additional pizza money. Sweet deal eh?
Just email us back at iluvpetealamar at gmail dot com and we’ll fill you in on all the details! Get ready to ballstomp!
Warning: Hair gel disapproved of. Scientifically unproven, but via correlation and speculation, apparently inhibits ability of kicker to nail anything above chip shot range.
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