Archive for humor

Inside the Civil War Playbook: Oregon 65, Oregon State 38

Days later, the entire Pac-10 continues to reel from the obliteration of Oregon State’s vaunted defense in the Civil War. With a Rose Bowl berth on the line for Mike Riley’s Beavers, how could the Ducks march into Reser Stadium and torch them in such spectacular fashion? Sample notes extracted from Oregon’s coach-in-waiting Chip Kelly […]

Posted by: Avinash on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Is Nate Longshore A Better Quarterback Than A Machine?

(Started a thread about cardinal sins for Cal fans last night over at CGB. Come take a gander.) Lowell Cohn provides his bizarro logic as to why he rides the Nate Hate Train. I am not a Nate Longshore fan. I admit that. It’s nothing personal because he seems like a nice young man, polite, […]

Posted by: Avinash on Thursday, October 16th, 2008

Inside the Playbook: USC 28, Arizona State 0

After starting the season on a fairly upbeat note, the Arizona State offensive line has again crumbled into a jumbling mess, giving up ten sacks in its last three games and turning Rudy Carpenter into the Incredible Human Punching Bag. One has to wonder where exactly ASU’s pass protection is going for the second straight […]

Posted by: Avinash on Monday, October 13th, 2008

What I Learned From The Bear Insider

There are so many things I learn from reading message boards. I get these deep, penetrating insights that I could never get from being in the locker room and can thus virtually coach the game based on what anonymous posters have discovered through the game. You just get the feeling that they should be watching […]

Posted by: Avinash on Friday, October 10th, 2008

“We Are 4-1 And We Couldn’t Have Sucked More.”

These mumblings were recorded and parsed together of a slightly inebriated Cal fan. His ramblings below are to be considered the drunken incoherency of a derelict and not an accurate sample of the actual Golden Bear fanbase. I hope. WHAT IN JESUS CHRIST NATE LONGSHORE? What’s he doing in there? Might as well just leave […]

Posted by: Avinash on Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Inside the Playbook: USC 44, Oregon 10

Thanks to tipsters that might or might not have originated from this page, we have obtained exclusive copy of Nick Allotti’s defensive plans for the USC game. Despite the seeming brilliance that lies from such a gameplan, the Ducks fell a little short. In order to avoid copyright issues, we have created our own renditions […]

Posted by: Avinash on Monday, October 6th, 2008

Wanted: Will Kick For Food

This Craiglist jobs ad was removed for undisclosed reasons from the sfbay area site. Although no one has been able to ascertain the identity of the poster and Craig Newmark has refused our phone calls, we have received exclusive copy of this  Can you figure it out? A football team in the Bay Area desires […]

Posted by: Avinash on Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

The Longshore-Riley-Mansion Debates: Decision Making

After four weeks of action by our football team, we continue the California Golden Bears quarterback debates of 2008. MODERATOR: After a spirited first round, it’s time for a new topic. Mr. Longshore, for two years you were the starter under Jeff Tedford and ran his West Coast offense with great proficiency. Yet after you […]

Posted by: Avinash on Monday, September 29th, 2008

USC And The Nine Dwarves

Dramatis Personae Pete Carroll: The fairest in all the land. The most beautiful of all. Few can resist his inherent sweetness and ability to do good. Except the vain, black-hearted, wicked Les Miles. Jeff Tedford and Mike Riley: Not quite fair, but beloved in their own respective wildernesses. Would break the hearts of their fanbases […]

Posted by: Avinash on Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

DeSean Jackson Happy To Have People Underestimate Him

IRVING, TX–Philadelphia Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson seems to be taking his now infamous play in stride, forcing many NFL fans ponder deeply about the astounding individual talent from Cal. “He seems pretty casual about it. What a bonehead.” Said one NFL fan. And another. And another. Actually, it went like that through most of the […]

Posted by: Avinash on Wednesday, September 17th, 2008