The Bears Are Whimpering (Reactions to the Big Game)
Some blogs handle defeat better than others. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being tolerable, 1 being intolerable, The Golden Blogs are a 15, Oski Talk a 10, TBIOOTF is a 0, I’m probably a 3, and Bruins Nation is -5000. Some blogs stopped writing after the Husky defeat, so I guess they’re an Incomplete. I love breaking scales.
I thought about surveying the Bear Insider for responses, but that probably would have broken my computer. Without further adieu…
TwistNHook: “I am more than well equiped to deal with failure. It excites me. And when I say “excite” I really mean “arouse.” It turns me on. I really get off on failure. This whole year while everybody else was “Saying oh no, not another Longshore interception just as it looked like we might tie the game up late in the 4th” I was touching myself inappropriately and yelling “Oh yeah, Nate, underthrow that shit, oh yeah, fucking underthrow the shit out of that, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.”
Tedford, when Robert Jordan nearly decapitated that camera-man yesterday I think I splooged all over section 228 row I. And those are some pretty long rows.
This whole year has been an amazing, erotic journey for me (from Milan to Minsk). It’s just been one new experience of failure after enother. “Oh yeah, unknown Washington running back who nobody has ever heard of before, run another 60 yard run straight through the middle without getting touched, I’m going limp here!”
Tom Shneider pulling his hammy before the opener was a god-send. Anytime I saw Kay sprint out there for a FG over 35 yards, it was just all “Schwing!”
My wife even knows. When she wants to steamy up our love-making, she knows all she has to do is just whisper “1st and Goal at the 1″ into my ear. And I am good to go.
Cal’s stunning inability to not score helps me score!”
The Big Game Report Card
Quarterback: D. Typical Nate. Strong promising start, even a deep ball or two. He even had a great play-action throw to Jordan. But his second half was hideous, 9-30 with two picks, and he looked more and more gimpy as the weeks went on. There was an inordinate amount of pressure put on him too; it clearly made him more nervous to make snap decisions throwing that ball. So I can’t put the whole onus on him. Those two picks were still pretty terrible.
Running back: C+. Forsett again rolled his way to 82 first half yards, slipping through plenty of broken tackles and moving quickly through everything. He then stalled for only 11 in the second half. Hard to tell how effective Justin would have been if the Bears didn’t fall behind, but Cal surprisingly abandoned the run really early with only five rushes in the second half. Why? I dunno. I wasn’t aware a ten point defecit with fifteen minutes left was reason to panic and start exclusively throwing rock. This isn’t UCLA’s defense out there, it’s the fucking ‘Furd. Keep the balance.
Yeah…
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This is how I feel.
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And this.
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And this.
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I’ll be back when I stop hating myself.
Big Game Open Thread
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I will pass on liveblogging, instead doing something normal and watching the game with friends. I believe this is a much healthier and happier way to enjoy football, don’t you?
Starting NEXT YEAR, I will attend every Big Game I possibly can. And this time I mean it. For now, just like every love affair, distance will be best for this one. Go Bears!
Watch The Big Game Online
Since the game is on Versus, it will involve TVU Player and what-not. Just follow the instructions by clicking here and you should get it. Let’s keep the Axe where it belongs.
My Big Game Prediction
My last post was a bit of a downer–let’s return to irreverence. Here’s what this game will look like (and I’m not just talking about the slapfests between bourgeois Desi fans in the stadium):
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Now imagine this running on repeat for three hours and you’re set. Of course, Cal will be the angry, shorter, triumphant doofus.
Submit your prediction of the Big Game.
Flying Behind the Mullet
I remember being a freshman in 2004, watching Aaron Rodgers weave his way around the pocket and beyond. I was way too pampered to get that season as my first as a Cal fan, which is probably why I sometimes act like a brat when I talk about their downfall this year. You gotta take the good with the bad–but Rodgers just made the start way too good for me.
Well tonight, for the first time in a long time, I remembered what great QB play the Bears once had. After starting off slow, that young polished Rodgers returned, going strong through the entire game. He did take a few sacks from that powerful Cowboy pass rush. But the Packers managed to get themselves back into that game, thanks in large parts to Rodgers improvisational abilities. He was able to throw on the move, he scrambled for a few first down runs. It was only his first real NFL action, but his future looks bright.
Of course, just as is typical of the mainstream media, they spin things another way.
Rodgers, who spent the week pretending he was Romo in Green Bay practices, provided the kind of rally Favre usually specializes in, even throwing the first touchdown pass of his three-year career. But he’s no Brett Favre, so this comeback came up short.
Sigh. Adrian Peterson overshadowing Marshawn everywhere, and now the spectre of “not being Brett Favre.” Cal alumni are going to have to learn how to get attention the hard way. Fine by me. Keep on going strong Bears.
Action Jackson Preview, Week 14
Our Big Game is coming up, but it’s sadly one of the more meaningless ones to watch this week. All times PST.
Thursday
Rutgers at Louisville, 4:30 PM, ESPN. Brian Brohm’s going to have to earn money the hard way.
Saturday
MAC Championship: Central Michigan vs. Ohio (Detroit), 8 AM, ESPN2. Where only gamblers care.
Army at Navy (Baltimore), 9 AM, CBS. More than just a rivalry.
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C-USA Championship: Tulsa at UCF, 9 AM, ESPN. In order of impressiveness in the Sunshine State: Florida, South Florida, UCF, Florida State, Miami. Who would’ve thought. At least Florida International is still last.
ACC Championship: Boston College vs. Virginia Tech (Jacksonville), 10 AM, ABC. Your next-to-last chance to see Matt Ryan puke.
SEC Championship: LSU vs. Tennessee (Atlanta), 1 PM, CBS. Is this the game where LSU gets it together? My thoughts are “nooooo”.
UCLA at USC, 1:30 PM, ABC. Karl Dorrell never makes saying goodbye easy.
Oregon State at Oregon, 1:30 PM, ESPN2. Probably the only fanbase more depressed than Cal’s. From the title game to the Sun Bowl in two weeks. Painful.
Pitt at W. Virginia, 4:45 PM, ESPN. Big East mania.
Arizona at Arizona State, 5 PM, ESPN2. If you hate everyone, by all means cheer for Arizona. UCLA cannot be allowed any chance of sniffing the Rose Bowl.
Big 12 Championship: Oklahoma vs. Missouri (San Antonio), 5 PM, ABC.
Washington at Hawaii, 8:30 PM, ESPN2. Last college football game of a glorious regular season. You wouldn’t miss it, would you?
Let’s Hire the O!
Bill Doba is gone from Wazzu after a 5-7 season. I’m a little surprised, considering how close Wazzu came to beating ASU and Cal, along with their throttling of UCLA, but this has been speculated for months. All reports indicate that Mike Price and Cal’s defensive coordinator Bob Gregory will be fighting for the job, and I’m inclined to believe that Wazzu, hungry for Pac-10 relevance, will go back to “The Price is Right…for a well-aged Southern escort”.
Let’s say Wazzu does happen to choose Gregory, citing character interests and lack of stripper poles. Then Cal will be in need of a defensive coordinator. I’m sure someone will come up with a cogent analysis of who exactly the Bears should hire. But I’m not interested in that. I want someone who will teach the defense to punch, to hit, to make the enemy beg for mercy. I want someone who will liven up that moribund locker room and brink spunk back to our vanilla D.
Yes my friends…I am referring to the one, the only…Ed Orgeron. YESSAH,IBEREFERRINTOTHEAWESOMESTHEADCOACHINALLDEELAND.
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He happens to solve three problems at once for the imminent future of Cal football.
Cal Fans Around the World, Get Your Signs Ready
Eh, fuck it. I’m embracing this rivalry, right now.
The pathetic Redfurds over on the other side of the Bay have resorted to the most bizarre tactic to motivate their Cardinal: elitist internationalism.
Ooh, look, you’re in Paris! It’s appropriate, since your records in battle are eerily similar.
In other words, Stanford fans go to famous landmarks and show that they’re so trendy and hip with their “Beat Cal” signs…and then proceed to ignore following the Big Game like they always do. Yeah, as if they can overwhelm the sheer Cal masses that dominate the study abroad programs of the world, or the alumni that populate it. China, London, Prague, Athens, etc. We own this shit too.
Let’s show them what we’ve got. Email your Cal football friends all over the world, tell them to go the nearest landmark or exotic locale they can find, and let Cal pride be heard. The Bears will not whimper into hibernation. We’re going out roaring.
So whereever you are, Bears fans, submit links to your pictures of awesomeness supporting your Bears (or the images themselves if you’re able to) either through the contact form (if you want to keep it a surprise) or in the comments. Go with a standard sign (like below) or try something more subversive (“Wash your hands in Stanford blood!“). I’ll post the best submissions this Saturday morning on the site. Let’s crush these pampered WASPs*.
*Note: (Asians that go to Stanford might as well be WASPs, as they have sold their authenticity to culture a long time ago by deciding to study in the Farm)
